Author: Rob

Co-host of The Paunch Stevenson Show
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Space Tourism in 2009

Virgin Galactic SpaceShipTwo

Yesterday, January 23, 2008, entrepreneur Richard Branson unveiled a model of the “spaceship” he hopes will take paying passengers on space flights beginning in 2009. His company, Virgin Galactic, is charging $200,000 per two-and-a-half hour flight.

That’s pretty expensive considering the flights won’t actually be going into outer space. Technically, passengers will be taken on a sub-orbital flight 62 miles above sea level. By comparison, the Moon is 240,000 miles above sea level. Passengers will be weightless for about five minutes though. Isn’t five minutes of nausea worth $200,000?

Over 200 people have signed up so far, including actress Victoria Principal and physicist Stephen Hawking. Imagine him in his wheelchair spinning around weightless puking all over everyone.

Also entering the business is Bigelow Aerospace, a company aimed at creating space hotels. Seriously.

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Celebrity Death: Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger
Born: April 4, 1979
Died: January 22, 2008 (age 28)

Actor Heath Ledger, 28 years old, was found dead in his $24,000-a-month Manhattan apartment this afternoon. An initial police report cited by The New York Times states foul play is not suspected and that pills had been found near Ledger’s body. He was found unconscious and unresponsive in one of the apartment’s bedrooms around 3:30 p.m. when a masseuse arrived for a scheduled appointment and the residence’s housekeeper went to inform him of the masseuse’s arrival.

NYPD confirmed, then later retracted that the apartment belongs to Mary-Kate Olsen. Dummies.

Ledger is starring as the Joker in the upcoming Batman movie The Dark Knight, which is currently scheduled for release in the U.S. on July 18, 2008.

UPDATE: Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose of painkillers, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication, and other prescription drugs, the New York City medical examiner said Wednesday, February 6, 2008.

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Crippled Ninja Robs Bank

LiveLeak.com – Ninja bank robber needs a crutch

On Tuesday, January 15, 2008, a man dressed as a ninja robbed a Bank of Albuquerque in Albuquerque, NM. Unlike most ninjas, this one was hobbling around on a crutch. The FBI has released the bank’s surveillance video and has posted the limping ninja’s picture on electronic billboards along major local roads. Maybe someone will recognize him and turn him in soon.

A $1,000 reward is being offered for information leading to the Crutch Bandit’s arrest. He is described as a thin Asian man, 25 to 35 years old, approximately 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing 140 pounds, and crippled.

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Jesus, Take the Wheel

In 2005, former American Idol contestant Carrie Underwood had a hit song called “Jesus, Take the Wheel,” which I hadn’t heard until today. Has anyone paid attention to the lyrics? I have and they’re ridiculous.

The song is about a woman who is driving too fast during a blizzard. She skids on some ice and starts screaming for Jesus to take control of the steering wheel so she doesn’t die. While the car is still out of control, she lets go of the wheel and somehow, the car magically pulls over to the shoulder and comes safely to a stop. The woman thanks Jesus and promises she’ll treat people better from now on.

There’s only one problem. This woman knows she’s a jerk and that it’s impossible for her to treat people nicely on her own, so she asks Jesus to take control of her entire life too, just like he did with her car.

Instead of learning her lesson about driving recklessly, the only thing the woman has learned is that whenever she does something stupid, Jesus will bail her out. That’s a great message to send to people. “Act like a moron. It’s okay. Jesus will protect you.”

The last thing people need is an excuse to be even more thoughtless and irresponsible than they already are. Way to go, Carrie Underwood.

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Celebrity Deaths

Before we get too far behind, we have some recent celebrity deaths, courtesy of deadoraliveinfo.com:

Evel Knievel (Robert Knievel, Jr.)
Born: October 17, 1938
Died: November 30, 2007 (age 69)
Motorcycle daredevil who performed stunts from 1966 to 1981 and is in the Guinness Book of World Records for having 40 broken bones.

Ike Turner
Born: November 5, 1931
Died: December 12, 2007 (age 76, drug overdose)
Former singing partner and husband of Tina Turner. His biggest hit was a cover version of “Proud Mary” in 1971.

Dan Fogelberg
Born: August 13, 1951
Died: December 16, 2007 (age 56, cancer)
Folk rock singer/songwriter. His biggest hit was “Longer” in 1980.

Brad Renfro
Born: July 25, 1982
Died: January 15, 2008 (age 25)
Actor whose biggest movie was The Client (1994) starring Susan Sarandon and Tommy Lee Jones. In 2006, he was convicted of attempted heroin possession and driving while under the influence and was sentenced to 10 days in jail.

Bobby Fischer
Born: March 9, 1943
Died: January 17, 2008 (age 64)
Chess grandmaster who emigrated to Iceland in 2005. In 1972, he became the only U.S.-born chess player to become the official World Chess Champion.